Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Talk Tuesday - "Knowing You, Jesus; My Suffering (Pt.I)"

Last week I was accused of asking God for the 'illness' that I was afflicted with, then asking Him for the 'cure'. It seemed somewhat implied to me that it was all my fault and that I had used my body as a tool of manipulation to 'prove' God's faithfulness. While I was stunned and very hurt by such an accusation, I could only imagine how this might look to one who does not know JESUS. Let me explain...

Many years ago, as a young, enthusiastic and naive Christian, I prayed this prayer: "Lord, I want to know You in your suffering." This was after hearing the song, Knowing You Jesus, by Graham Kendrick. I would like to share the words of the lyrics that so impressed my young heart:

All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

This 'suffering' that I desired to share with Christ in, came immediately afterwards and in multiple forms. First I learned what it was like to be unjustly accused because of my faith. I learned what it was like to TRULY TRUST GOD, to walk by faith, when 'reality' spoke devastation and heartache. I learned what it felt like to be ostracized for faith in Christ, yet I never knew what it was like to suffer in my body. I confess, in my burst of youthful enthusiasm, I had prayed this prayer but forgot about it until my younger brother reminded me of it. This was right after I was diagnosed with spinal tumors.

Not cancer, so no big deal, right? Then I began to lose my ability to walk, my left leg began to slowly deteriorate and I could no longer lift it. The risk of permanent nerve damage lurked and the pain was excruciating...or so I thought yet the lesson was only just beginning. It was not until I was hospitalized the second time for an emergency second surgery, that I experienced deep suffering in my flesh. I want to share with you what I have learned about KNOWING JESUS in suffering, but it will take a few weeks, so please bear with me. Let me leave this tidbit with you as a prelude to next week's Talk Tuesday;

"But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." Job 36:15

I only ask that before we begin this journey, you click on the Movie Monday link and listen to the song, Knowing You Jesus.

Thanks for listening,


kaye said...

Phillipians 3:10 Paul said that I might know him in the power ofr of his ressurrection and in the fellowship of his suffering being conformable unto his death. To get to this place in your walk with the Lord shows of spritual maturity and a earning desire to want to know more about God in deeper depts and higher heights. Not many people would dare thread here because they are not willing to the price. Some like to be in their comfort zone and would rather have it that way. but if we are to follow Jesus, he said take up your cross and follow me (the cross represent many things). The lord is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the one that take us fromm faith to faith. You can't tell the Lord to do something he did't already have plan for your life, Lets look at the character of God. How many times have we asked God for things that he didn't give, why? I don't always have the answer for that but I know he knows whats best for me. The scripture said that we live and move and have our being in him, another one said that our life is hid in Christ with God. I have prayed the Phillipians 3:10 scripture because I want so bad to be like him. He knows what I can handle and he knows my heart and sometimes I can see him at times shaking his head about somethings in my life, saying My child I see your heart intent but you're not ready for that yet. So God knows whats best for us. Thank you Natasha for your this. After the sufferings comes the power, the resurrection power, this is where the annointing is and the power to minister the gifts the the glory of God because you are at a place where you given all to him.

Roula said...

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings. Tasha, you have been a blessing to all those who are around you and the pain you experienced has made you senstive to the pain of others. God is creating beauty out of brokeness. You need to fix your eyes on Him through it all

Natasha said...

Thank you Roula and Kaye for coming alongside us in this journey, praying and believing GOD with us. Jesus give us beauty for ashes, dancing for mourning and blessings in pain.

My heart is overwhelmed by His faithfulness. Roula, thank you for reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. Kaye, that scripture in Philippians 3:10 says it all.

I have been meditating on Colossians 3:2-3

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

This is a different reality than living for worldly gain. May the Holy Spirit teach us the things that we yet struggle to grasp in our flesh.

Drew said...

Looks like my earlier post didn't get published. I'm the one Tash is referring to when she says someone accused her of using her body to prove God's faithfullness. This is definitely not the case. I was actually trying to be supportive. My point was that Tash was answered twice in her prayers. The first time when she asked for the suffering and the second when she asked for the cure. I have never doubted that it was merely a desire to better understand her chose diety. No harm or accusation was meant.

Natasha said...

Thank you Drew (not my Andrew but another) for your clarification and words of support. They truly do mean a lot.

God bless,

Dawn said...

Thank you for your honesty in sharing this thought with us. In the many times of difficulty I have experienced throughout my recovery, I might have been accused of the same thing, except that it has been a thought or feeling that I have never expressed or attempted to express to anyone. I have simply wondered occasionally if my Lord endured what He did, then I shouldn't feel that my struggle is insurmountable or too difficult! I then feel less discouraged, and have often gone on to get "over the hump" I need to to get on with my journey. It is vital to try to remember these struggles in ordsr to be able to use them when in the future I face similar difficulties, otherwise I feel that I didn't benefit from them the way that my Lord had intended, and therefore put me there for! In my experience He never gives me more than I can handle. I can see why the lyrics of the song would impress a young enthusiastic Christian because they truly blessed this old enthusiastic one!

Anonymous said...

Good post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you on your information.

Helena Sterling Lue Chee Kong said...

Hi Natasha,
I know your mom, she told me about your group/minstry.I was really encouraged by this article as I too have had some challenges with an ailment (fibriods) which I believed the Lord healed. That song Knowing you Jesus everytime I hear it does something to me. Let us continue to encourage one another as we journey with Jesus.


Natasha said...

Hi Helena,

Nice meeting you! Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, GOD IS able and we truly must encourage one another on this journey. We are only passing through until we meet our Saviour in eternity. I will add your name to the prayer list for God's complete healing.

If you want to join the BGO (biblegrouponline) mailing list, send your email address to joinus@biblegrouponline.com and we will add you.

God bless!
Tash (& Drew)