Jesus wisely warns us about what to expect as we soldier on through the pilgrimage of life.
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" John 16:33.
King David reminds us that, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all" Psalm 34:19.
Suffering, in its nature, is truly abhorrent to the flesh. It denies our carnal nature the comfort of appeasement. When we fast, we lay aside our earthly desires in order to pursue communion and fulfillment with the LORD. As one sense decreases, the other increases. It is like that as we wait upon the LORD. We choose to TRUST HIM, despite our circumstances. We choose to tell our flesh-our physical sight-that we do not allow it to lead our FAITH, but our FAITH will guard our hearts. It is a denial of the flesh and inherent in that DENIAL, is the subordination of our sense of entitlement to the WILL OF GOD for our lives. As I sit here, journalling before the LORD, I wonder about Job and Jesus.
How was Job able to say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" Job 13:15 or Jesus able to concede, "Not my will, but Yours be done?" John 22:42.
I cannot explain these things to the non-believer. I cannot explain them to one who does not know the Son, because without the Son it is impossible to know the Father. Yet, once you know the Father and the Son, you know the Holy Spirit. You step out of the realm of the natural, into the spiritual. As Paul writes, "Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16
So let me encourage you, as I seek to encourage myself. Let us spur each other on, to finish the race, and to finish it well. If you are suffering, know that it is not in vain. If you are waiting, know that it is unto a purpose. And if you are fasting, know that you are exercising your spiritual discipline. The DENIAL of the FLESH for the sake of the LORD will result in sweeping rewards. Continue to tenaciously hold to His promise, because GOD DOES NOT LIE!
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suffering. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Talk Tuesday-Knowing You Jesus; Spiritual Warfare in Suffering
Spiritual warfare is real. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12
In my previous posts, I shared about the overwhelming presence of Jesus during my first surgery. The emptiness I felt leading into the second operation foreshadowed the desert experience I was to undergo during my 40 day stay in the hospital. Last week I shared about the additional pain and tests. It turned out that I had contracted bacterial meningitis, a potentially lethal infection in my cerebral spinal cord fluid. Yet, God in His infinite goodness, saw us through it all.
As I suffered in the flesh, warfare was happening in the spiritual realm. Each night was filled with restless dreams of darkness and fire. I would awaken in terror, not understanding why my sleep was not filled with peace. As I looked up, there was Andrew stationed in prayer, interceding throughout the night on my behalf. I determined to fix my eyes on Jesus, yet I struggled through the noise of the pain.
One Saturday morning, a nurse came into my room. I was feeling depressed, worn out and exhausted. She opened the Bible and began to read from Job and Psalms. I began to weep as I realized that indeed the Lord had not forsaken me. He sent His servant to strengthen me.
Then one night I had a dream. Someone was telling me that God had turned His back on me. I was facing this great mountain, that was symbolic of God's back. It seemed so real. As I awoke I cried out to the Lord. The Holy Spirit brought Psalm 23:4 to mind, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." God sent another of His servants with a prophetic word. It exhorted me to focus on Him, to commune with Him during this trial, and that I would live and not die.
I began to KNOW that GOD was fighting my battles- that He was with me. Finally, the end of the 40 days was near. After another night of excruciating pain, Sunday morning dawned. My family came from church to relieve Andrew, and sit by my bedside. I was wrung out and exhausted. I felt like a runner who had almost reached the finish line but who had run out of steam. I lay there, on my back, weeping, pain eating at my body. The CSF tear had not yet healed. They inserted a lumbar drain in my spine to collect the leaking fluid, putting me on strict bed rest again. I remember this day clearly-it was the day of my TEMPTATION. As I lay there weeping, gnashing my teeth, my family began to cry too.
Then I heard it. I was stunned, yet too weary to say anything. "If you bow down and worship me, I will take away your pain." It as not the warm voice of my Shepherd Jesus. It was a bone-chilling voice, dark and frightening in my weakness. It was said to me in the depths of my suffering and pain. Satan came to offer me relief. I would like to say that I rebuked him in the Name of Jesus. I didn't even answer. I simply turned my face to left, looked out the window and began to sing praises to the LORD, "Blessed be Your name in the land marked with suffering, when there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name..." tears streaming down my face.
"But Thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel" Psalm 22:3
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:7-8
As I suffered in the flesh, warfare was happening in the spiritual realm. Each night was filled with restless dreams of darkness and fire. I would awaken in terror, not understanding why my sleep was not filled with peace. As I looked up, there was Andrew stationed in prayer, interceding throughout the night on my behalf. I determined to fix my eyes on Jesus, yet I struggled through the noise of the pain.
One Saturday morning, a nurse came into my room. I was feeling depressed, worn out and exhausted. She opened the Bible and began to read from Job and Psalms. I began to weep as I realized that indeed the Lord had not forsaken me. He sent His servant to strengthen me.
Then one night I had a dream. Someone was telling me that God had turned His back on me. I was facing this great mountain, that was symbolic of God's back. It seemed so real. As I awoke I cried out to the Lord. The Holy Spirit brought Psalm 23:4 to mind, "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." God sent another of His servants with a prophetic word. It exhorted me to focus on Him, to commune with Him during this trial, and that I would live and not die.
I began to KNOW that GOD was fighting my battles- that He was with me. Finally, the end of the 40 days was near. After another night of excruciating pain, Sunday morning dawned. My family came from church to relieve Andrew, and sit by my bedside. I was wrung out and exhausted. I felt like a runner who had almost reached the finish line but who had run out of steam. I lay there, on my back, weeping, pain eating at my body. The CSF tear had not yet healed. They inserted a lumbar drain in my spine to collect the leaking fluid, putting me on strict bed rest again. I remember this day clearly-it was the day of my TEMPTATION. As I lay there weeping, gnashing my teeth, my family began to cry too.
Then I heard it. I was stunned, yet too weary to say anything. "If you bow down and worship me, I will take away your pain." It as not the warm voice of my Shepherd Jesus. It was a bone-chilling voice, dark and frightening in my weakness. It was said to me in the depths of my suffering and pain. Satan came to offer me relief. I would like to say that I rebuked him in the Name of Jesus. I didn't even answer. I simply turned my face to left, looked out the window and began to sing praises to the LORD, "Blessed be Your name in the land marked with suffering, when there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name..." tears streaming down my face.
"But Thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel" Psalm 22:3
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:7-8
"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:8-10
Remember, that Jesus intercedes on your behalf. God will never forsake you nor abandon you, whatever you are suffering through. He is faithful. Remember to hold on-just hold on. He will keep you, strengthen you and then use your testimony to strengthen others. HE IS FAITHFUL. Remember Jesus' words to Simon Peter:
"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
Luke 22:31-23 Please, if you need prayer, post on our Prayer Wall. We promise to pray too.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Talk Tuesday-Knowing You Jesus; My Suffering (Part IV)
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2
So, remember my naive prayer, "Lord, let me know You in Your suffering"?
Well, prior to Wednesday January 28th, I was put on steroids. To all you folks out there, don't try this at home unless prescribed by a physician. Steroids alters your body (weight gain) and wreaks HAVOC on your personality. Just ask Andrew...he had to live with me.
Have you ever felt that GOD was far away or that your prayers were hitting a wall? An odd emptiness crept into my heart. I still prayed yet I couldn't feel that 'closeness' I experienced with GOD during the first surgery. I even remember feeling really small as I prayed- like I was shrinking. I can't explain that, however in retrospect, I was about to begin my 40 days in the desert.
The 8 1/2 hr surgery involved a removal of my vertebra (and attached tumour), my discs and spinal reconstruction. Yes folks, I am BIONIC! (watch out Lindsay Wagner). On Thursday morning the chief surgeon came in, and asked me to lift my once semi-paralyzed leg. Up it went! We celebrated!!! On Friday the physiotherapist came and asked me to sit up. Being an old pro, I rolled over on my side, swung my legs over the railing of the bed, and gingerly sat up. I suddenly realized that she was talking but I couldn't hear anything. I began screaming, "I'm going deaf, put me back in the bed!" I began to experience debilitating headaches any time I was in an upright position of any kind. We were advised that this was all due to a CSF leak. During the operation, somewhere along my spinal column there was a nick and Cerebral Spinal Fluid was leaking out. I was put bed rest, in the hope that it would heal on its own.
Saturday morning a resident doctor came to remove the many tubes I was attached to. He accidentally ripped the Jackson Pratt drain out, leaving remnants in my stomach. I was told not to eat for the remainder of the day as I had to go back into the OR. I was mad and frustrated. I lay there Saturday morning, feeling sorry for myself, thinking about the young women I knew and the exciting things they were probably doing that fine Saturday. Self-pity combined with anger caused me to retreated into myself. For the remainder of the afternoon I chose not to talk. At 5:30pm I was in the pre-op. room. My husband and family were there once again. I finally decided to pray and as I wept before the LORD, I surrendered my heart into His hands.
I was out in no time. Yet as time went by, I noticed the headaches had worsened. The CSF headache felt like a truck on the crown of my head, but then I started to get headaches from the back of my head, stiffness in my neck, shaking, fever and couldn't stand light or sound. I asked for ice packs to be put on top of my head, cold cloths over my face and ice at the back of my neck. Then came more and more tests...
Up until then, I had been able to move my body in and out of bed. Then I began experiencing debilitating nerve pain. It was like streams of electricity shooting up and down my body, from my back right down my legs. I started screaming...and screaming and screaming. My precious husband prayed. Every night he stayed and prayed. The LORD never left me alone, even through all the pain. It was after a sleepless night of relentless pain that I desperately asked GOD what to do. I could not sit up and I could not lie down. Finally, I heard these words as the Holy Spirit gently whispered to my heart, "Climb into your pain". In obedience, I climbed back into my bed and lay on my right side, completely still. Every movement brought shocks of nerve pain, while every non-movement brought pain of its own. It was in my stillness that the Holy Spirit began to bring revelation to my heart- even while the pain continued.
"Jesus experienced pain, He died for your sins. There was no short cut, Jesus- the Incarnate One, the Son of God, fully GOD and fully man- suffered in the flesh. What you are experiencing is only a fraction of what Jesus experienced on the cross. Now, begin to pray for the others on the floor."
So, remember my naive prayer, "Lord, let me know You in Your suffering"?
Well, prior to Wednesday January 28th, I was put on steroids. To all you folks out there, don't try this at home unless prescribed by a physician. Steroids alters your body (weight gain) and wreaks HAVOC on your personality. Just ask Andrew...he had to live with me.
Have you ever felt that GOD was far away or that your prayers were hitting a wall? An odd emptiness crept into my heart. I still prayed yet I couldn't feel that 'closeness' I experienced with GOD during the first surgery. I even remember feeling really small as I prayed- like I was shrinking. I can't explain that, however in retrospect, I was about to begin my 40 days in the desert.
The 8 1/2 hr surgery involved a removal of my vertebra (and attached tumour), my discs and spinal reconstruction. Yes folks, I am BIONIC! (watch out Lindsay Wagner). On Thursday morning the chief surgeon came in, and asked me to lift my once semi-paralyzed leg. Up it went! We celebrated!!! On Friday the physiotherapist came and asked me to sit up. Being an old pro, I rolled over on my side, swung my legs over the railing of the bed, and gingerly sat up. I suddenly realized that she was talking but I couldn't hear anything. I began screaming, "I'm going deaf, put me back in the bed!" I began to experience debilitating headaches any time I was in an upright position of any kind. We were advised that this was all due to a CSF leak. During the operation, somewhere along my spinal column there was a nick and Cerebral Spinal Fluid was leaking out. I was put bed rest, in the hope that it would heal on its own.
Saturday morning a resident doctor came to remove the many tubes I was attached to. He accidentally ripped the Jackson Pratt drain out, leaving remnants in my stomach. I was told not to eat for the remainder of the day as I had to go back into the OR. I was mad and frustrated. I lay there Saturday morning, feeling sorry for myself, thinking about the young women I knew and the exciting things they were probably doing that fine Saturday. Self-pity combined with anger caused me to retreated into myself. For the remainder of the afternoon I chose not to talk. At 5:30pm I was in the pre-op. room. My husband and family were there once again. I finally decided to pray and as I wept before the LORD, I surrendered my heart into His hands.
I was out in no time. Yet as time went by, I noticed the headaches had worsened. The CSF headache felt like a truck on the crown of my head, but then I started to get headaches from the back of my head, stiffness in my neck, shaking, fever and couldn't stand light or sound. I asked for ice packs to be put on top of my head, cold cloths over my face and ice at the back of my neck. Then came more and more tests...
Up until then, I had been able to move my body in and out of bed. Then I began experiencing debilitating nerve pain. It was like streams of electricity shooting up and down my body, from my back right down my legs. I started screaming...and screaming and screaming. My precious husband prayed. Every night he stayed and prayed. The LORD never left me alone, even through all the pain. It was after a sleepless night of relentless pain that I desperately asked GOD what to do. I could not sit up and I could not lie down. Finally, I heard these words as the Holy Spirit gently whispered to my heart, "Climb into your pain". In obedience, I climbed back into my bed and lay on my right side, completely still. Every movement brought shocks of nerve pain, while every non-movement brought pain of its own. It was in my stillness that the Holy Spirit began to bring revelation to my heart- even while the pain continued.
"Jesus experienced pain, He died for your sins. There was no short cut, Jesus- the Incarnate One, the Son of God, fully GOD and fully man- suffered in the flesh. What you are experiencing is only a fraction of what Jesus experienced on the cross. Now, begin to pray for the others on the floor."
For a moment, I was stunned. Then I began to pray. The lady down the hall was dying from terminal spinal cancer. I began to understand that Jesus Christ suffered- truly suffered in the flesh for our sins. Mercy and Grace met Love when His blood flowed down on that cross. Wow...what great love was this!!! It was as though all time had stood still as I soaked in this revelation. The Holy Spirit directed me to pray for others. Christ prayed for us while He was yet on the cross. I was amazed. I was so amazed...I am still so amazed.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Please join us next week for the final installment, as we share about spiritual warfare in suffering and standing upon Christ the solid Rock.
God bless & thanks for so graciously listening
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Please join us next week for the final installment, as we share about spiritual warfare in suffering and standing upon Christ the solid Rock.
God bless & thanks for so graciously listening
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Talk Tuesday-Knowing You Jesus; My Suffering Pt. III
I was released from the hospital five days after the first surgery. It was a challenging time for us as a family but beautiful in many ways. Ephesians 5:28-29 became alive to me as my husband cared selflessly for me:
"So husbands out to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Ephesians 5:28-29
My family and the body of Christ (the church) lavished us with prayer and care. It is in the valley of darkness that the light of Christ is ever so bright to dim eyes. His Light was radiant!
My first follow up appointment with the new surgeon was six weeks later. He informed me that they were not able to remove the majority of the tumour and that another surgery would be required. I didn't have to see him again until October, so in the meantime, I would pray for a miracle.
The miracle didn't come in the way I expected it. At our October meeting, the doctor candidly outlined the reasons for, and the urgency surrounding the second surgery. Then he told us there were multiple tumours. By this time, I had mentally vacated the premises, sitting there motionless and stunned. We eventually decided, with renewed vigour, that we would petition God with prayer and fasting.
God had other plans.
One day, I woke up to discover that I could not lift my left leg. It got better but would recur a few days later. Then by December, my leg function had deteriorated rapidly. My leg became like a dead appendage that had to be dragged behind me. I was hurt, embarrassed and confused. An emergency surgery was scheduled for Wednesday January 28th. What followed next, was the darkest valley of my life. I want to leave you with these few truths before next week:
The miracle didn't come in the way I expected it. At our October meeting, the doctor candidly outlined the reasons for, and the urgency surrounding the second surgery. Then he told us there were multiple tumours. By this time, I had mentally vacated the premises, sitting there motionless and stunned. We eventually decided, with renewed vigour, that we would petition God with prayer and fasting.
God had other plans.
One day, I woke up to discover that I could not lift my left leg. It got better but would recur a few days later. Then by December, my leg function had deteriorated rapidly. My leg became like a dead appendage that had to be dragged behind me. I was hurt, embarrassed and confused. An emergency surgery was scheduled for Wednesday January 28th. What followed next, was the darkest valley of my life. I want to leave you with these few truths before next week:
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"The LORD is close to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Talk Tuesday - "Knowing You, Jesus; My Suffering (Pt.I)"
Last week I was accused of asking God for the 'illness' that I was afflicted with, then asking Him for the 'cure'. It seemed somewhat implied to me that it was all my fault and that I had used my body as a tool of manipulation to 'prove' God's faithfulness. While I was stunned and very hurt by such an accusation, I could only imagine how this might look to one who does not know JESUS. Let me explain...
Many years ago, as a young, enthusiastic and naive Christian, I prayed this prayer: "Lord, I want to know You in your suffering." This was after hearing the song, Knowing You Jesus, by Graham Kendrick. I would like to share the words of the lyrics that so impressed my young heart:
All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.
Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness
Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.
This 'suffering' that I desired to share with Christ in, came immediately afterwards and in multiple forms. First I learned what it was like to be unjustly accused because of my faith. I learned what it was like to TRULY TRUST GOD, to walk by faith, when 'reality' spoke devastation and heartache. I learned what it felt like to be ostracized for faith in Christ, yet I never knew what it was like to suffer in my body. I confess, in my burst of youthful enthusiasm, I had prayed this prayer but forgot about it until my younger brother reminded me of it. This was right after I was diagnosed with spinal tumors.
Not cancer, so no big deal, right? Then I began to lose my ability to walk, my left leg began to slowly deteriorate and I could no longer lift it. The risk of permanent nerve damage lurked and the pain was excruciating...or so I thought yet the lesson was only just beginning. It was not until I was hospitalized the second time for an emergency second surgery, that I experienced deep suffering in my flesh. I want to share with you what I have learned about KNOWING JESUS in suffering, but it will take a few weeks, so please bear with me. Let me leave this tidbit with you as a prelude to next week's Talk Tuesday;
"But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." Job 36:15
I only ask that before we begin this journey, you click on the Movie Monday link and listen to the song, Knowing You Jesus.
Thanks for listening,
Natasha
All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.
Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness
Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.
This 'suffering' that I desired to share with Christ in, came immediately afterwards and in multiple forms. First I learned what it was like to be unjustly accused because of my faith. I learned what it was like to TRULY TRUST GOD, to walk by faith, when 'reality' spoke devastation and heartache. I learned what it felt like to be ostracized for faith in Christ, yet I never knew what it was like to suffer in my body. I confess, in my burst of youthful enthusiasm, I had prayed this prayer but forgot about it until my younger brother reminded me of it. This was right after I was diagnosed with spinal tumors.
Not cancer, so no big deal, right? Then I began to lose my ability to walk, my left leg began to slowly deteriorate and I could no longer lift it. The risk of permanent nerve damage lurked and the pain was excruciating...or so I thought yet the lesson was only just beginning. It was not until I was hospitalized the second time for an emergency second surgery, that I experienced deep suffering in my flesh. I want to share with you what I have learned about KNOWING JESUS in suffering, but it will take a few weeks, so please bear with me. Let me leave this tidbit with you as a prelude to next week's Talk Tuesday;
"But those who suffer He delivers in their suffering; He speaks to them in their affliction." Job 36:15
I only ask that before we begin this journey, you click on the Movie Monday link and listen to the song, Knowing You Jesus.
Thanks for listening,
Natasha
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